The Twelve-Inch Journey

A Strange Assignment at a Youth Retreat

What does it really mean to be a Christian? If you tried to draw your relationship with God, what would it look like?

Many years ago, I spoke at a youth retreat near Kansas City. On our first night, the youth pastor gave us an unusual assignment. He asked everyone, teens and leaders, to draw a picture showing how they saw their relationship with God.

I must admit, I thought the exercise was a bit cheesy. How do you draw something as abstract as your relationship with God? Honestly, I was also doubtful because I can’t draw at all. Still, the teens started sketching, and I figured I had a few extra minutes to look over my notes.

Soon, one of the teens came over and asked, “Are you going to draw your picture?” I was caught off guard. I was the speaker. I didn’t think I needed to do the assignment. But then I realized these teens didn’t know me. I was just a guest at their retreat. If I wanted them to trust me and join in, I needed to join them in the exercise. So, a bit reluctantly, I picked up a sheet of paper and a pencil.

A Memory from College Resurfaces

As I looked at the blank page, I remembered something from college. At the University of Illinois, I learned about Campus Crusade for Christ. They used simple drawings to show three types of people: the Self-Centered Life, the Self-Directed Life, and the God-Directed Life.

• The Self‑Centered Life: Self is on the throne, Christ is outside the life entirely, and every interest is self‑directed.

• The Self‑Directed Life: Christ is present but not allowed to lead. The new Christian tries to do the right things in their own power.

• The God‑Directed Life: Christ is on the throne, and the believer consistently yields to His Lordship.

Most Christians relate to the first image: life before Christ. Many see themselves in the second, as believers who still struggle to surrender. But very few honestly see themselves as consistently (perfectly) God-directed. Most of us would say we move back and forth between the second and third images.

And that’s where the problem begins.

The Problem with Instantaneous Transformation

When I ask Christians what bothers them about these images, most say it feels impossible to always live a God-directed life. The drawings make it look like change happens instantly. One moment you’re self-directed, the next fully surrendered. But is that really how transformation works?

We agree that accepting Christ moves us from being self-centered to being Christian, but most of us find it hard to believe we instantly become fully God-directed. That last image feels like Christian perfection, which few of us ever reach. I knew my relationship with God had grown past the Self-Directed Life, but I still struggled to see myself as always God-directed.

Something was missing.

God Begins to Speak

As I got ready to speak to a room full of teenagers, God started to show me a problem in how I saw and lived out my relationship with Him. God was working, revealing things, calling me deeper.

At first, I tried to downplay what was happening. Yes, God was speaking, but I thought it was more about what I would say than how I should live. After all, I went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. I taught, helped with youth ministry, and served on the church board. Isn’t that what being a Christian is about?

Deep down, I knew Christianity was more than that. But I had settled for less than the relationship God wanted with me.

The Missing Piece: The Process, Not the Event

Becoming a Christian means turning away from ourselves and toward God in every part of our lives. That’s what repentance is. By faith, we believe Christ comes into our lives, forgives our sins, and starts to change us into who He made us to be. The important word is starts.

When I looked at the diagrams, I didn’t see a process. I saw a single event; one moment self-directed, the next God-directed.

But my walk with God was somewhere in between.

So, I drew a different picture, one that showed my real relationship with God. I believed Christ was on the throne of my heart and had access to every part of my life. As He found messy corners, daily junk, and hidden disobedience, He called me to obey. In many areas, I trusted and followed Him. But in others, I held on to control. Christ might have been on the throne in most areas, but there were still places where I was holding on, struggling to let go.

The Fear of Being Honest

Then I had to ask myself: Do I really want to share this with a group of teens I just met? Would they respect me less? Should I pretend to be fully Christ-directed?

This is the real issue. Many Christians would rather put on a mask at church. We’re afraid to be honest. We’re afraid to be seen. We’re afraid to admit we struggle.

But I shared the image.

That moment shaped the whole weekend. My fears were unfounded. Being honest about my relationship with God and my struggle to let go opened the door to real conversations, trust, and change.

Years of Nudges and a Turning Point

Looking back, I can see that God had been nudging me toward something deeper for years. I felt there was more to my faith and life with God, more that I was missing. I sensed Him calling me to let go and go higher. But I didn’t understand what He wanted. Or maybe I did but didn’t want to obey.  Either way, I got frustrated and kept slipping back into old habits.

It wasn’t until a couple of years later that I realized my struggle to grow closer to God was connected to the problem in my drawing. How can Christ be on the throne if I keep holding on to it? You can’t say “No, Lord” at the same time. Holding on is disobedience; it’s sin. I needed to take an honest look at my relationship with God and, with His help, face the real issues.

Here’s what I found: My ideas about being authentic, my need to seem perfect, and my views of myself and sin were all barriers that kept me from real change. These were the obstacles God had been showing me, the ones stopping me from going deeper with Him.

A Challenge for You

Before we go on, I want to challenge you just like I did with those teens. What does your relationship with God look like? How would you draw it? Where is God asking you to step out of your comfort zone? Where is He calling you to deeper obedience, stronger love, or greater surrender?

Maybe it’s time to get up from the chair. The warmth of the campfire and the comfort of the tents have served their purpose. They’ve prepared you for what comes next.

They’ve prepared you for what comes next. The trailhead waits just beyond the clearing, mist rising in the morning light. It’s quiet, but you can sense movement. Jesus is already walking ahead. The journey begins when we leave the chair behind and follow Him down the path.

In His Fields, Jon